


children of failure and hope

by ayebydan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 00:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13306488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayebydan/pseuds/ayebydan
Summary: what is left of hope is on a planet no ally came to help them reach. their former best friend is now leader of all they hate. yet somehow they get drunk and still care





	children of failure and hope

"Organa will skin us all if she catches us with this much liquor."

Poe snorts and hauls the crate a little higher up his chest as he fiddles with his room key. "Organa can, respectfully, go to light speed tonight boys and girls. We just saw her son try to murder us all before throwing a tantrum on the ice when his uncle tricked him. We're on a shithole of a planet with lots of drink and the knowledge that none of our so called friends tried to save us so I say we get shitfaced in this shithole cause at least we're on it."

"Fair." Myri Antilles comments as she follows Poe in and promptly steals the best part of his bed before the rest of their crew can follow in. It is a choice she's made aware is perhaps premature when her sister, Syal, takes his desk chair at the other side of the room while holding a bag of their favourite chips. Suddenly the collection of nuts and olives she has brought along don't seem so appealing. Noticing her frown Chance cackles as he hurls himself onto the bed beside her and shares a knowing look with Poe.

"You and Myri never have stopped to think. Always go on your instincts then find yourself in holes."

"Shut it, Calrissian. We always get out of them."

"Damn straight." Myri chirps in from the bed. "Did you bring anything useful anyway nerfherder?"

Chance kicks her with his foot with a smile and gestures around the room. "Who do you think got us all the same night off duty?"

"Fair."

"So the plan is we get so drunk we don't remember Kylo is Ben and Ben was our boy and there should be another four people in this room even if we don't include what used to be Ben?" Chance queries trying and failing miserably to sound uncaring and upbeat. 

"That is about it." Syal agrees while bursting open her bounty and rolling herself across the floor on the chair to relieve Poe of a bottle of _something_. "You, uh, never talked about when you saw him. We'd be interested if tonight is that sort of night."

Poe gazes around the room and then hands out bottles of liquor to both Chance and Myri before unscrewing the cap of his own and taking a large gulp that makes him cough and wipe at his mouth with the back of his hand. Chance winces. "Drink first."

"You got it." Syal says, rolling herself back again until she's pressed against the desk and Poe can comfortably sprawl across his floor. The quarters on the base are nothing luxurious and everything is a tight fit but somehow Poe prefers it that way. It feels safer. 

"It still...makes me feel confused when I think about it all." Myri states flatly. "I mean he was such a little dweeb. It is not like Luke did the Jedi thing just like before. We could visit. Ben hung out. He blushed scarlet if he saw mine or Sy's cami get low. Then suddenly he's suited, booted, helmeted and murdering. I don't get it."

"You saw dweeb. I say emo dweeb. Maybe that is it." Syal adds. "He was always screwed up. We talked a lot. Got really close. Before, you know? He wasn't supposed to. Supposed to go to Luke but...we got drunk one night. Must been about 15standard years I guess. We, you , well we snuck off and you _know_. He was...complex." 

"You trying to defend him Sy?" Chance demands, reaching across the gap from the bed to the chair and snatching a handful of chips as if that ads to his statement. Sy merely shakes her head and takes a gulp of the drink, whatever it is. It is bitter and makes her shudder and memories come with it. She isn't ready for them but she started the conversation so ok. 

"I am saying he was fucked up and yeah I wish I had done more at the time. Given him more of a shoulder and less of my tit. Happy now?" She snarls and they feel bad immediately. 

Silence crosses the room until Poe thumps his head against the back wall. " Me too. I was such a cocky shit about who my mum was and how awesome she was. It made me cool. It wasn't the same for him and I didn't realise it at the time."

"Guess it is different when you're mum is the leader and your dad is-"

"A deserter" Syal states firmly to outraged gazes. "What? I am not wrong! It got too heated and Solo bailed. How the force else would you say it? As if stolen cargo now and then made it worth it when pilots died getting it in just so beacons couldn't track us! And Ben saw that! I ain't saying what he did was right but I'm saying I get it."

Silence descends. The slight 'gloop' of bottles turning and giving and then there is hissing and hands slapping against wet mouths. 

"Probably not something you should mouth off outside here sis."

"Wasn't planning on it but-. "

"I get it." Chance states after a few seconds. "Ben was a whiny little shit but...so were we all. Raised on bases and escape drills....my old man said he'd say out of it."

"Wondering if we'd have parents at the end of the night." Poe continues.

"It was no place to raise kids." Myri ends softly. "But I guess that is how you get more of us to fight now. We got raised to think there was no other way to go. No wonder he's leader now."

"I wouldn't do his way but..."

"That is why it was so weird being with him." Poe cuts in flatly. " I don't know all of it and I don't want to but I know enough. I was there. It was....weird."

 

"You saying Ben's still in there?" Chance asks flatly. 

"I don't know. I think so. I know I should be dead. He could have ripped my mind in two just that one time. He'd either have found what he needed or he wouldn't have. But here I am." Poe splays his hands on his thighs and offers a weak smile. Chance fails to meet it. Syal throws chips at his head. Conversation over. 

"Anyone know where we're off to next?" 

"Does it matter?" Myri asks mysteriously in her tone. "I mean you lightweights are not going to remember being told tomorrow anyway."

Poe leaps up from the floor and pulls his pillow out from her to smash it over her head. "Buddy, you're gonna regret that! Holos on. Drinking game. Let's do this!" 

Syal collapses on them all with a shriek and the battle is on until the quarter next door bang on the wall and tell them to settle. They do. They curl up, take a corner each, watch the halo and ignore the memory of how gangly legs and long black hair used to be in the middle.


End file.
